Trust Your Feelings—Especially Your Desires (Danielle LaPorte) (2025)

Trust Your Feelings—Especially Your Desires (Danielle LaPorte) (1)

What role should emotions play in your decision-making process? How can you tell the difference between fleeting wants and genuine desires?

In The Desire Map, Danielle LaPorte explains why it’s essential to trust your feelings, particularly when making important life choices. She reveals how deep-seated desires act as an internal compass, guiding you toward genuine fulfillment rather than temporary satisfaction.

Continue reading to discover how your emotional guidance system can work alongside logic to create a more authentic and satisfying life.

Trust Your Feelings

Many people believe that logic is the best basis for decisions because it’s based on objective truths, while emotions are subjective. However, LaPorte says that you should trust your feelings, particularly your feeling of desire, because they are important supplements to logic in the decision-making process. This is because desire acts as an internal compass, leading you toward things that will make you happy.

The author clarifies that this internal compass works only with deep-seated, consistent desires. For example, many people have a deep-seated, consistent desire to feel useful, like they’re doing important work and making a positive impact on the world. If you come home from work every day with that sought-after sense of usefulness and importance, then your feelings are saying that your job is a good fit for you. If you don’t feel fulfilled by your job, your internal compass will point you elsewhere.

(Shortform note: While everyone’s desires are different, all desire tends to be rooted in the same fundamental needs. In Daring Greatly, Brené Brown says that everyone shares three fundamental needs. The first is love—people need to genuinely care for others and have others care about them in return. The second need is connection, which Brown defines as being emotionally engaged with your surroundings, including the people around you (as opposed to being “stuck in your own head” and only engaging intellectually with your environment). Brown’s third fundamental need is belonging—she explains that everyone wants to feel like a valued part of their community.)

Notably, says LaPorte, deep-seated, consistent desires are different from shallow wants that change day by day. Pursuing those shallow whims will only leave you frustrated and dissatisfied because you’ll keep getting things you think you want, only to find that you never really desired those things at all.

Continuing the example, suppose you see that a leadership position has opened up at your workplace. You would most likely feel a strong urge to apply for that higher position—perhaps because it pays more or is more illustrious than your current role. Imagine that upon getting the promotion, you find that you’re only happy for a short time, and management work doesn’t provide the sense of satisfaction you had before in a more hands-on role. Now, your feelings are telling you that you gave up the job you truly desired for a new position that you thought you desired but is less suitable to your personal goals and interests.

(Shortform note: Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius argues that you should use pure reason to make decisions—as opposed to LaPorte’s emphasis on feelings—but both authors come to similar conclusions. In Meditations, Aurelius echoes LaPorte’s belief that having a consistent goal is crucial to living a fulfilling life. Also like LaPorte, he warns against pursuing shallow and changeable desires because doing so will leave you unsatisfied. However, unlike LaPorte, Aurelius argues that all personal feelings and desires are subject to change—so, logically, the only way to have a consistent goal throughout your life is to devote yourself to working for the common good instead of your personal good.)

Unpleasant Feelings Are Also Important Guides

Just as positive feelings help guide you toward what you truly want, says LaPorte, negative feelings tell you that what you’re doing isn’t aligned with who you are.

Many people view negative feelings like sadness or frustration as problems to be solved. They might run from such feelings by immersing themselves in a hobby, suppressing them with alcohol or other drugs, or simply ignoring them and pretending they don’t exist. However, LaPorte argues that feeling bad isn’t a problem in and of itself. Instead, it’s a sign that there’s some deeper problem with your life.

With that said, remember that your surface-level emotions will shift with your circumstances, and only the feelings that remain steady over time will guide you accurately. So, for example, feeling frustrated after a difficult shift at work isn’t necessarily a warning that you’re in the wrong job—it could just mean that you had a bad day. On the other hand, if you find yourself going to the bar every day after work to forget about how much you hate your job, that’s a clear sign that something needs to change.

Why Emotions Can Be Informative

Logical thinking is typically sound, but according to LaPorte, it’s incomplete—you need emotion to round it out. But what can emotions tell you that logic can’t? Scientists say emotional responses are much faster than rational thought processes and can therefore provide you with information you’re not consciously aware of.

In Behave, neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky explains that the limbic system—the part of the brain that handles emotions—can bypass the neocortex (which handles logic and reasoning) to produce faster responses than would be possible with conscious thought. He also discusses a study where people were shown certain images for just a tenth of a second. That was too short a time for the subjects to consciously recognize what they saw, but they still had emotional responses to the pictures.

So, similar to how someone who briefly sees a picture of a tiger might feel unsettled without knowing why, negative feelings such as sadness, anger, or boredom can warn you that something is wrong, even if you don’t consciously know what the problem is. Therefore, as LaPorte says, if a particular aspect of your life always produces negative feelings, it’s likely that aspect of your life is somehow wrong for you, even if you don’t fully understand why.

Trust Your Feelings—Especially Your Desires (Danielle LaPorte)

Trust Your Feelings—Especially Your Desires (Danielle LaPorte) (2025)
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